He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
