is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
