Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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