once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
