To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
