Your dad touched me again.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
