So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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