you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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