He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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