The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
