He uses pillows to masturbate.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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