i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dicks are not precious.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
