you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
