so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
