As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
