I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize