Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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