There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
