i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think people are normalizing furries
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
