Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
