You can't special order awesome
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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