I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
