Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
