I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
