I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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