if we break up, who will get the dealer?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
