so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
