so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Randomize
