So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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