just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
