I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
