I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize