i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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