i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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