I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
