you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
