my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
