Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
