Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
