quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize