my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
