I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
