my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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