He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
