she smelled like a LAN party
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
