goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
