found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
