I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
