two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
