All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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