I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
