Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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