You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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