He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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