so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
