The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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