her vagine was all disorganized.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
