fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
