at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
