Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
