I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
