I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
