Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
