so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
