It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
