are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
