Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
