I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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