I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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